One of those Oprah Moments.


It's been awhile since I've last written. Life has been good to me. I've eaten well and slept enough. Time has always been a bitch to me but nonetheless, I've learnt to tame that bitch well. Throughout my absence here I have learnt quite a bit myself. Learnt to say no. Learnt that patience is virtue. Learnt to be accepting and hoped to be accepted. Learnt that nothing in life comes without consequences. And I've learnt that emotions are not to be fooled around. So what have I truly learnt so far?

I'm thankful fr the 2 weeks off that I'm enjoying currently. My schedule has never been forgiving, so as the escalating expectations from others towards myself. When I was younger I've always had this dream of becoming someone great whenever I've done well in something. That spur of the moment when you dream that the sky is the limit. Those childhood bullshits. If only everything falls into place like how I'd dreamt of it to be. Now I feel like an old sarcastic mean bitch laughing at that 10 year old kid I call myself.

Anyways, today is not about whining at the fact that I'm not genetically gifted. It's something more. Given the luxury of having an imaginary breaktime (notice the use of the word imaginary as it is "there" but it's not "real"), I've indulged myself into a good dose of chicken soup for the soul movies. And we all know that there is nothing better than 4 black women, some of whom were Oscared, coming together to film a beautiful movie about love and struggles in life simply entitled as "Waiting to Exhale". If you're an XY a.k.a not a woman and wondering what the fuck was I talkin about I suggest you leave as I will potentially bore the shit out of you for the next 15 minutes.

I wouldn't elaborate much on the movie though. But I really enjoyed this part of the movie when this black man told Angela Bassett of how he really loved his dying wife more than anything else in the world, and how watching her suffer actually removes a piece of his strength everyday. I can relate this to myself as I was there watching Victor when his dad was dying, how he picked himself up and how he was rebuilding his strength each time it falls apart when he exits the ward. I was there...and yes I was affected as I loved that old man. As cool as I tried to be throughout the process the funeral got the best of me and I actually broke down that evening.
Victor wasn't there though, thank god.

Anyways, the point is.. would you love a person more than anything in the world to stay with them till the end of time? Could you promise forever in their eyes?
There was this part of the movie when Angela Bassett actually told the same man that she once had someone who loved her unconditionally too, only to find him stopped loving after 11 yrs and 2 kids. Love can be very fragile at times. It is always easier for the man to let go, as they are made that way. I once had a guy that had promised forever in my eyes too, only to find him leavin after 3 months. "We shall remain as friends and I would love you even more". Bullshit. A breakup is ugly, whichever way you look at it.

Nevertheless, you will never know if you truly love a person until someday God decides to test you on certain circumstances. I've passed and failed a few of His trials, but alas, I'm just one of His imperfect creatures. I remembered a classic moment when Victor actually asked me if I would stay with him if he had multiple sclerosis, as he was clerking that case back in 2007. I asked him back the same too, and he said yes. I really had no doubts about that, as he had never failed to prove his love to me from the start. He is probably one of the best person I had ever met in my life, not only as a lover, but as a human too. So loving and forgiving in every way possible. For once, this man had made me exhaled in relief after all this time of searching for the right one.

You're truly exceptional, and I mean it. I love you.

My sunday

Sunday is supposed to be everyone’s favorite. I’m not saying that its not mine. I love Sundays. I love it when my niece chloe woke me up in the mornin so that we could watch Barney together. I know I’m a lil too old for barney but trust me, we did have lots of fun together. She did bring a lot of joy to my fucked up life. Trust me, I do need a lot of strength right now, trying to be someone great with so little talent that I have.

My baby was out for his tea time birthday party in one of his friends house. Im glad that he has activities of his own to keep him occupied. I mean, its great to see him happy and destress, especially when im not there with him. My presence does mean a lot to him I know, and the fact that im not there really bothers me a lot. As good as a girlfriend I can be, I still lack in certain aspects. My absence in this case, is inevitable. Maybe with time when I have enough cash after my part time jobs ill go over and hug him warm, just the way he likes it. In the meanwhile, it will still be an idealistic plan, as money is the main obstacle.

Tomorrow is the most important day of my life in IMU. The extemporaneous dispensing exam. If I screw this I will have to kiss my scholarship good bye. And its very possible that anyone who works as hard as I do to fail the exam. Its all luck. And trust me I really need some this year.

My baby likes to imagine nowadays. I guess that’s the reason he told me how nice it would be if I were to be there with him today. And that I would make him buy a present for tiffany but he will nvr bother to do so now because he is alone. and that it will be nice if I can hug him to sleep every night when he needs someone to cuddle. My baby is a sweet and sensitive guy. That’s the reason I stayed with him so long. I want someone to cuddle too, trust me. and its sweet and sad for him to say that.

Maybe that’s the reason I wrote this piece today. And maybe that’s the reason why I was crying today when u were snoring in ur bed. Extempo + hopes is seriously not a good combination.

-mk-

Vids frm when v were younger.



hehe.... i can imagine bb being one of the 3 guys there.... suka la tu.. ur "girl" is on tv hehe
oh in case u guys do not know my bb had a big crush on jen love when he was a kute kute hum surp teenage boi... hehehe
sayang bb.... i like this vid alot. i know u do too!

-mk-

MALAYSIA BOLEH





tiang bendera yang berbonjol...




Ha... kat kawasan kampung pun ada Starbucks tersendiri. Macam2 menu ada termasukla Karamil Makiatu, Cahaya Latti, dan Anggur Perapucino.





Huiyoo... pahlawan jamban



ish ish ish.....


Macam ni ke rupe Airport di Kelantan? :P


elakkan selipar daripada hilang masa sembahyang.


-mk-

The Various Faces of my BB.

I've decided to pick a few of my favourite photos and share them with everyone.

To be honest i wanna put my own photos but i malu cuz he so kute. Later yeng sueh sai.... hehehehehe

hopefullly we can come out with a photo album of us in the near future. though i know bb hate taking pictures hehe. [ps: u fat mer? no uh.... everyone tht stood beside me will appear fat wakakaka...]

* this is still my favorite. sooo kute.

*haha not cool also

*yer hamsap bb... but still look so kute.

* hehe.. ur friend's mouth so big.

*surprised! so excited for wht the harta not urs also hehehe.

* in the toilet. last time so klean now so dirty yerr..

*hehe. mumumumumu.

*booga... so scary i nearly died.
* *wah, undiscovered malaysian idol. hehe. but my bb seriously can sing one uh.

while i was bz writing tiz funny piece my bb was shitting syokly in his toilet.

ha-hah.

aiyah.... i got pharmaceutics on monday....dengg!!

-mk-

Sweetest things u say

I therefore quote from you, the source of all my happiness n occasional misery, bbbbbb.

“ most guys go to prostitutes for sex. These prostitutes, they may sleep with several guys in a day or one night. I always wanted to go for one, but not for sex. I just want to bring her out for dinner”

“Some guys look for sex in women. I look for ……..companionship… I dunno… maybe this is not the word for it, but sex is definitely not everything I want in a woman”

“God knew u needed me. that’s y he brought me to u. and you to me. so that we can share our life together. And how he knew that you needed a non abusive guy, and I was there to fill the place. He knew”.

Yeah. he knew. And did the right thing. U complete me bbb.
I love u.

Wake-up-call

Self explanatory. A wake up call is something that I could really use at times. I mean, I do realise my flaws and strengths from time to time. Not tht im not aware of it. But somehow everything seems a lil bit more fucked up when it’s delivered verbally.

My mom has been a constant influence n inspiration in my life. her strengths have somehow left a mark in my mind of how I would need to achieve that level of understanding and ignorance towards certain issues in life. U might have come to the idea by now tht she's the angel n all those crap. Well I guess u’re wrong bout tht. As inspirational as she may be, she constantly reminded me of how fucked up I am as a young adult. And how I still have a long way to go towards finding a better me.

My baby has been really helpful n understanding about this. He gave me the most realistic and inspirational comments about stuf. But the thing tht touched me the most was the time that he had given me. as well as the patience n heart to do so. Guys don’t do that in general. I guess my guy is different. He has always been different. And I love him so much for that.

It would be an interesting trip. I mean, starting off from zero with no expectations on what you’ll get and where you would end up might b cool. I may grow from this n become smarter. Or maybe just becum more fucked up than ever. Whtever the outcome is, I’ll stick close to what I believe in life. And no one in the world could ever take that away frm me. Never.

-mk-